Like What The Shit Are You Sprouting?

Today, a lot of people cried because the guy spoke about kids in Indonesia starving and about how you are hurting yourself, but I didn't feel anything. Maybe I'm just robotic or something. I can cry in movies, but I just didn't feel very moved.

I mean, shouldn't you already know the state of poverty in the world? Shouldn't you know how messed up and unfair the world is? Then he asked 'what have you done to deserve your seat here? If you haven't done anything, then you should give up that seat for those kids because I know that they will work much harder and get better results than you.'

Dude, it's not about what we have done. The question is, what have we done to have to give up what we have? What give you the right to tell us to give you our seat as if you know us, know me? Stop making so many fucking assumptions. It just pisses me off.

Yeah, the world is unfair and some people are more blessed than others, but life's unfair shit, so deal with it.

Then he switched off the lights and told us to bow our heads. Maybe I'm just too suspicious a person by nature, but I was wondering if they were going to use the darkness to kidnap us one by one or something. Then he told us to imagine that we are in a totally dark room, watching a screen replaying all our past mistakes. Then suddenly we see a door. Then he tells us that there is a person behind that door 'who wiped away your tears when you first cried, smiled when you first laughed, was there with your when you were born and believed in you when even you didn't believe in yourself.'

I was thinking that if he told us that the person was God, I would leave the room. If he told us that it was our parents then his grammar sucked since they are plural. But no, he told us that it was ourselves and that this person loved us more than God did.

Like what the fucking shit are you sprouting?

How can you believe in yourself if you do not believe in yourself? He does not make sense. He makes no sense at all. Even if it was spontaneous, it doesn't take an IQ of 150 to tell you that he is sprouting illogical crap.

Secondly, do not force your religious beliefs on other people. I understand that some people are very religious, and I respect that. But he's a fucking motivational speaker, speaking to a group of developing teens. Seriously? Someone with very strong religious beliefs is going to go up to you one day and strangle you.

Maybe it's because I don't share your religion and am personally an Atheist, but I feel rather strongly about this. I don't think God is real. It's a wonderful thing to believe in God, because it provides you with emotional support and He is the embodiment of all things good and holy, but I don't think he exists. The only 'proof' we have is the Bible. This same Bible tells us of the world being created in seven days and an unlimited supply of bread. Bald blokes in coats tell us the world was created 450 million years ago. The Bible tells us it began 6000 years ago. Tell me, which do you believe?

I'm not putting down religious people. I believed in God at some point of my life, but not now. Religious people are usually firm in their beliefs and try hard to become a good person, but I don't think that being a good person naturally involves being Christian. I just don't think it makes logical sense and being a very logical person that I am, I decide that I won't follow it.

Even if God exists, which I don't believe, the Bible is not God's book. It is a collection of books written by various people who believe in God. To a certain extent, I think the Bible is correct. All that moral beliefs are just someone trying to get people to be morally correct, I think. But I believe Moses and David and Jesus, whose real name is Joshua, all existed. The stories were a little exaggerated, I believe, but it is more or there.

Religion has contributed a lot to society. I think it has helped us a lot in terms of culture and socially. But I still don't believe in God. I believe in us. People are the ones who turn and change the world, so I choose to believe in us.

Going back to the main point, it isn't right to impose your religious beliefs on kids. It is not morally or socially right and my respect for you has dropped several notches. You are not being responsible as a speaker and I absolutely cannot accept it.

I'm Not Who You Think I Am

I'm a coward. I've always been, always will be, even if I pretend I'm not. It wasn't that I didn't notice that you were falling out with her. It wasn't that I didn't know how to approach the subject and it wasn't because I believed you would get back together, and I wasn't because I thought you would be okay. You will, though, because I've seen enough to know.

I was hurt that you left me behind. I knew it would happen sooner or later, and the growing number of people you allowed into your group and the increasingly frequent times that you left me out of your conversations clued me in enough. I knew it would happen, but I hoped desperately that it wouldn't. I know you tried. You talked to me, even as the rest of the group grew wider apart from me, and it was because of this that I knew when you and her would grow further apart.

But I didn't broach it. Maybe because I hoped it wouldn't? Maybe because I hated that you only came to me when you couldn't talk to her? Then you told me about how she doesn't talk to you anymore and how the gap between you was growing wider.

I'm actually a little envious that you can be so open about it. I'm the kind of person that bottles everything up and doesn't let my emotions slip. I laugh and pretend because that is how I cope, how I've always coped with hurt and loneliness. So yes, I am a coward, and maybe that is why I've always drifted away from the groups of friends I know and care about.

Even so, I comfort you and I won't tell you about these things because they will make you feel bad, since that is the kind of person you are. I don't think you left me out on purpose, but I hate that you didn't even notice that you were leaving me out. It's only because of that that I can still honestly care for you and call you my friend. I don't want you to stop being mine either, even though the definition is more loose for you.

I don't talk about it because I don't trust you. I don't trust you enough to fight with you and still be friends afterwards. I'm not confident in the bond that we have. There is only one friend that I'll really fight with and that is because she is the one I trust the most. I trust her enough that I believe that she'll still be my friend even if we disagree sometimes. Because I know the hurt that comes about when my friend falls apart with me, so I had already decided not to fight with a friend until I can trust them. I fight with other people too, but that is, more often than not, because I don't really care if they hate me or not.

Like I've said before, I'm really envious that you can wear you heart on your sleeve. The only friend I can fight with is the same. She's blunt and a little selfish, but that is part of her charm, even if it can be a little frustrating at times. She's earnest, outspoken and more honest than anyone else I know. She trusts me enough to let me keep her secrets, even though I won't always tell her mine. She's my Duchess, little Alice, like the Caterpillar is an emotional support to you. You're similar to her, the Duchess; both of you can speak what you think and are confident in yourselves.

I can't be like that. I can't confide in you or the Duchess, or that Caterpillar who once came by me. I've told you that I'm and Atheist, but sometimes I pray because I can't tell some things to anyone else. Sometimes I pretend to talk to my Grandpa too, because I don't know much about God. I do this even though I tell myself I don't believe in life after death, I think it's a lie as well, but I can't be sure. I can't even be honest to myself. I hide and hide and bury my feelings and thoughts deep inside me while pretending that everything is alright and everything is okay.

You don't know this because you were willing to confide in me. You don't know that I buried my hurt and tried to comfort you; you don't know that I break a little every time I hear from you that you are upset that your relationship with her is falling apart. I break because that was how I felt too. I don't know and won't ever know if the magnitude of your hurt was greater than mine, but it still hurts because it feels like you are stabbing at old wounds and its awfully ironic that you are telling me how I felt back then.

It's like I'm watching you in my shoes. You said that it's as if you're in a glass dome in part of her world. That her world is brighter than yours in color while yours is black and white. But if that's the case, then what am I? My world wouldn't have any white left because everything is black; so black that even you shudder against it.

As you place your hand on the thin glass between your world and hers and complain that it's cold, I watch you from the perch of a blackened, dying tree whose leaves have already blown away. The little Red Princess, the to-be-Queen, has left. My Duchess only visits once in a while, but because she is the Duchess, I am content with that. The March Hare and the Hatter are at their eternal tea-party or maybe in the Looking Glass, I don't think they'll ever visit me back in the tree as I give you directions to to the House of the Caterpillar, even if you think that the glass is still blocking your way, you are closer than you think.

Maybe I'm not the Cheshire Cat. Maybe I'm the Mock Turtle, sad without actually having any sorrow and this isn't something I'm supposed to upset over, but somehow, I think being the Cat suits me better. Cats are loners, after all.

I don't hate you because I can't, and you are bright and honest like what I want to be. The Cheshire Cat only has a head and no heart, so that is no surprise, don't you think, Alice?